A Siege of Egrets

I saw a spectacular sight Sunday while out riding Brad in the 300-acre cattle pasture — Brad is my Paint horse, of course, so don’t get all het up thinking I meant someone else. That’s what one risks, giving horses human names, as you who have read “Saddle Tramps” know. I refer to where, early on in the book, Pepper says, “My shoulder hasn’t been the same since I fell off Bob.”

But back to my Magical Moment. Brad and I were traversing wide grassland along the Applegate River as the sun baked our hide and an intermittent breeze brought negligible relief. We had moved among the 80-cow Black Angus herd, assessing which cows and calves, which heifers or steers with brands and ear tags, we could turn away as we walked toward them. A fun exercise to build skill and confidence in a cowhorse and rider. And then we angled back toward the stable a quarter-mile away past a large, square and deep man-made pond. A tree and lots of dry brush reaches over it. Mud or concrete ramps lead down into it at the corners. Frogs, salamanders and bass call it home.

Brad and I rode a line about fifty feet out from the south bank. To our right, only the far surface of this oasis sunk into rocky, former river-bottom soil — was visible. But as we closed in, our eyes gravitated toward a long snag sticking out over the water at a forty-five degree angle. Lined up from tip to base of that leafless snag, were six of those great, streamlined, blinding-white birds whose flyway we humans inhabit in the Rogue River Valley: Snowy egrets!

I blinked. Brad raised his head and pricked his ears. Were these real, and were there really six of them? My eyes worked to distinguish the fowl from patches of pale wood and light brush. Yes, there indeed were six egrets, pure as snow, poised like statues, studying the water for a potential meal. It looked like an entire brood — two larger parents who observed four youngsters studying for their fishing license.

Trying not to disturb them, I urged Brad back to the stable. I unsaddled and groomed him as quickly as I could. I wanted to put him away and grab my cell phone to go snap egret pictures as soon as possible. Before they flew off. What a photo this would make. Unbelievable serendipity!

It was like those rare times an inspired scene magically drops into one’s writing — or some other creation. A gift from above. Or light from inside. You feel immense gratitude, while at the same time, hardly believing your good fortune. You naturally want to preserve it.

But when I finally got back to pond’s edge, phone camera at the ready, the egrets were gone. The pond looked as “vacant” as usual. Its surface lay dark, tranquil, undisturbed, as if those ghostly birds, those inspiring images, had never been.

I guess I knew they’d be gone. But I went there anyway, hoping to capture a moment. All I have now was a glowing memory. And yet — sometimes a memory is all one needs. It’s all one needs to call out magic from one’s mind. I can look at that memory image all I want. I just can’t share it with others.

Unless I make it live again in words. And you can be sure I will do that. The miracle image has found a place. Not only here, but in my third in-progress Pepper Kane mystery, “Ghost Ranch.” I only need to locate a perfect spot for it. Perhaps when Pepper rides her horse along the Applegate River … and comes across a sight provided by Providence.

Provided. Providence. I love how those “P” words derive from the same root. See how a writer’s mind works? And I like how an egret group officially is called a “scattering,” “herd” or “siege.” Can a group of writers, other summoners of ghostly yet memorable images, be called the same?

HUMOR, COME HOME!

Who stole my sense of humor? Why can’t I see “the funny side” as often as I used to do? Is it because the world has lost its sense of humor? I once had one. I remember using it just last week. It’s seen me through tough situations as well as ordinary ones. I really need it back. Actually it’s kind of a trademark — although it occasionally turns around and bites me.

I am fuzzy on when I first became aware there was such a thing as a sense of humor, or that I had one. Like many of you, I saw humor in cute baby animals struggling to do adult things and in young friends making rude noises. LOVED the bumbling antics of Wile E. Coyote in cartoons, or “Howdy Doody” on TV. Laughed like a loon listening to radio comedies such as “The George Burns Show.”  Gorged on the jokes and physical humor of Sid Caesar, Jackie Gleason and Lucille Ball. Well meaning but oddball or clueless characters gone wild. Life lessons delivered in an entertaining way!

In elementary school or as late as junior high, a certain snarkiness about stupid or pretentious people or events snuck past my lips when I believed I’d only thought it. Then I paid attention when an uncle, aunt or other esteemed elder snapped a wisecrack like a bullwhip. Yak yak, KA-POW! Maybe make a crazy copycat gesture or eye-roll for emphasis. They instantly got people’s attention, cleared the air of bullpoop and made their hearers laugh. Lightbulb flash: Who wouldn’t want to gain attention or lighten others’ day? This was power pure and simple. Baby wanted her some.

Most of the folks I admired, my dad included, had keen senses of humor. They could pop a wisecrack with the best. Being pioneer stock raised on ranches, where anything that can go wrong, will, they doubtless used humor as a coping device.

Working with this genetic propensity and armed with lines from Dorothy Parker and Mae West, I copied funny moves and cracks from entertainment icons. Gaining courage and bolstered by my buddies, I graduated to spoken humor and writing. One liners were my forte. Get in, bite hard, get out before drawing fire. Or else learn to duck.

I wrote humor columns for school newspapers. Got in trouble for pranks and reckless comments to the wrong people. But I forged ahead, honing the craft. Finally I found joy penning witty phrases where appropriate (or not!) in my 32 years as columnist and features reporter for The Seattle Times. My headline, “Gentlemen, start your bananas,” earned a Society of Professional Journalists’ award. Topped a tale about a soapbox derby featuring garden produce.

That was a high point of my career, humor-wise. Although describing a famous dance troupe’s “Swan Lake” as “chainsaw ballet” is right up there. The irate calls and letters I got for that one! Truth to tell, some dancers did look more like lumberjacks than lightfooted royalty. Fake trees trembled when the dancers landed. Gratifyingly, others savvy about dance had to agree.

As I age I grow even less tolerant of puffery, transparent subterfuge and other tom-foolery. I often just let ‘er rip, damn the torpedoes and disgruntled looks. I weave humor into my Pepper Kane mysteries, and stories such as “I Ate Thee Ottoman: A Young Dog’s Journey from Shame to Redemption.” Why stop a good thing, an empowering thing?

And yet oddly, I have. At least for the moment. Brood, brood. Here’s a hanky. Cowgirl up, I tell myself. Life circumstances — relationship, money, or minor health issues — seem to have sucked the humor from me. Or at least driven it underground.

I trust it is still intact, somewhere deep inside. Hell-oooo, hell-oooo! Anybody? You can come out now. In fact you MUST come out now. It’s how I cope, part of how I communicate, with offense only to the deserving few. Including myself. It may even be how I heal from The Great Unpleasant, one tentative laugh at a time. Humor come home!

Wasn’t it Norman Cousins who famously said, “Laughter Is the Best Medicine”?